Moving Along...

"Time heals everything" - oft repeated words.  By this definition, the void created by your loss should have been filled.  So why does every happiness feel inadequate. Why does the tinge of longing remain on the fringe of every joyous moment.  Why does every smile have a sliver of wistfulness.  Why does every achievement feel incomplete.  Why does shadow lurk behind every dream. Why does loneliness knock at my solitude. An emptiness, a void, a vacuum - Will it every be filled .  Questions galore, answers just out there, waiting for me to find.. Have I found them, maybe I have, maybe not - but I am glad things are as they are.

Glad because the void reminds me of  beautiful memories, uninhibited laughter, happier times. 
Times your soothing voice helped me sleep through nightmares 
Times your encouraging smile pushed me through when I felt everything falling apart
Times the sparkle in your eyes revealed your pranks as you tried to annoy me
Times you held me patiently as I shed pools of tears
Times you believed in me when I doubted myself
Times you fought to stay at my side when I shut the door
Times when you burst with laughter at my silly jokes
Times you beamed with pride at my little achievements
Times when I was just me.. because you stood by me.

Moving ahead, one step at a time, though I fervently wish you were right next to me - Encouraging me, guiding me, inspiring me - I know you are in a better place - A place filled with love, happiness, peace - Watching me, a smile on your lips, twinkle in your eyes and hands stretched to steady me, should I stumble.

I Wish....

I wish I could talk .....Without the fear of the world
I wish I could sing .....The song in my heart
I wish I could run .....And feel the wind on my face
I wish I could dance .....Without a care
I wish I could laugh aloud .....And watch the world laugh with me
I wish I can spread smiles .....And brighten up the days
I wish I can believe .....That life is more beautiful that it seems
I wish I can contemplate .....And undo my wrongs
I wish to share my dreams .....And hope someday it will come true
I wish to listen to thoughts .....And help it become a reality

I wish..... I wish.... I wish....

Reflections

(For the past few months, I just can't seem to write anything.. Guess personal problems and stress is causing this block.. Was going through an old diary and found these lines, which was penned by me, some times back.. The restlessness that I mentioned is what I am feeling.. I just hope.....)


The curtains sway in a gentle rhythm
To the soft whisperings of the wind
I wrap my arms around me and close my eyes
As the fragrance of past memories, bitter and sweet
Caress my restless soul.

Reels after reels of serial called “Life”
Scroll on the screen of my mind
The day I hurt a friend
The moment I brought a smile on a face
The feeling of helplessness, when I saw my loved ones in pain
The joy I felt as I reached my goal
A smile here, a frown there
Anger and calm intermingled
Each emotion a new episode.

As I felt myself being pulled,
Into the labyrinth of memories
I ask myself “Would I want it any other way”
“Is there something that I would like to change?”
Deep within me a voice answered,
“Things are as should have been
Coz without them you would not be the same.”

A City's Plea

(Wrote this after the terror attack in Mumbai.. The attack in Pune and subsequent warnings of fresh attacks sent a chill through me..)

My child
Hear me out

Every time there is a flood
Every time there is a riot
Every time there is an attack
My child
I hurt

I hold the countless injured
Trying to offer them comfort
As I hear their cry of pain
Searing my heart, my very core
My child
My tears flow

I see the countless bodies
Strewn everywhere
As I see the destruction
Enveloping me
My child
I shiver

A new incident
Every few days
A new wound
With every blow
My child
I bleed

I am shattered
I am bruised
My wounds have festered
Help me my child
I can take it no more

When will you stop hurting me
When will you wipe my tears
When will you stop my flow of blood
My child I beg of you
Hurt me no more

Don’t tend to my wounds
But stop inflicting fresh wounds
Don’t cry over what happened
But don’t let these blows be struck again

Help me my child
I need you
I live in you
You live in me

Help me my child
I need you
I live in you
You live in me

Glimmer of Hope

The call of the sea

Beckons the lonely soul

The cool embrace

A soothing balm

Tears unshed

Freely flows

Swirling waves

Gather in its fold.

Oh, how I long

To let go

The misery

The pain

The sleepless nights

But the mind refuses

And plays tricks

Memories sweet

Flicker through

Shackles tighten

Around the weak heart.

The envoys of the seas

Gently persuades

The graceful movement

The music of their footsteps

A promise......

To safeguard

To care

To heal.

Palms open

Reluctantly

Offering the remains

Shattered pieces

Of a once loving heart

Watching it gathered

In the loving embrace

The sea smiles

And nudges ashore

The liberated soul

A glimmer of hope

In the unburdened palms.

And It Rained...

The park was deserted except for the girl in bridal finery who sat in the corner, a faraway look in her eyes, a palm clenched tight. Twilight had given way to twinkling stars. The moon spread its luminescent glow over the landscape as the gentle breeze caressed her cheek like a lover. But the turmoil in her mind refused to subside. She sat still, waiting, what for, she knew not.

Scenes after scenes flashed across her eyes. She dressed up radiating happiness, the shrill ring of the phone, the stiff voice of the caller, her race to the house, gathering of people, whisperings dying on her arrival, the wait, arrival of the ambulance, the body shrouded in white laid down on the cold ground, his boyish face uncovered - smiling even in death.

She had sat through the rites in stony silence, no tears in her eyes. After the rites, she had slowly walked away from the crowd. Her legs moved on their own and she found herself in the park, a place where they spent time, talking, arguing, building their dream nest. She opened her palms, the little vial beckoning her.

A whining sound broke her reverie. She turned towards the sound. A little pup was trying to snuggle upto to its mother, who lay motionless. All her bottled emotions erupted as rivulets of tears streamed across her cheeks. She lay on the ground crying her heart out.

Slowly she walked towards the pup and picked it. He struggled to get out of her grasp but she held, firmly but gently. Her hand caressed her stomach feeling the life growing inside her “Forever together” she whispered to the two lives she carried and walked out of the park. The first drop of rain splattered on her head. She looked heavenwards and smiled.

Even the Gods approved.

New Year - A Hope

Chime of the midnight clock

Happiness all around

The air reverberates

With cheer and hope

Hope for a better tomorrow

Prayers for a peaceful future

Wishes for prosperity and good health

Resound with renewed fervour

Anticipation all around

Optimism at its peak

Lessons from past mistakes

A beacon in the sea

Dare I hope

With the history behind us

History of mistakes

Retold time and again

But hope keeps us going

We all know

So keep the despair aside

And step into a new day

With renewed dreams and aspiration.

Happy New Year to All My Friends :)